


Learning to be (yours)

by giraffingallday



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: 1st Year Isak, 3rd Year Even, Bipolar Disorder, Bullying, Evak being single children for my own lazy convenience, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soft Isak, biiiiiiig time, i only write fanfic to live out my own daydreams, idek what to tag this tbh, its just a soft fic, me turning isak into a self insert, no burn, oh ya, yall already know:
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-16 18:59:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11834991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giraffingallday/pseuds/giraffingallday
Summary: If Isak isn’t gay, then why is that third year boy throwing rocks at his window?Or, Third Year Even accidentally gives First Year Isak a black eye





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

> imagine me, writing two fics that I complete... lets not get our hopes up people
> 
> also i had such a hard time naming this?? omg i still hate the title but too bad
> 
> well!! heres a first chapter anyway

_Thunk._

_Thunk._

_Thunk. Thunk._

Isak had a god damn biology test in the morning and some asshole was what, trying to be funny? This is what happens when Jonas’ dick ‘friend’ Elias lets him start his first year of high school with a gay rumour on his back.  He didn’t _hate_ Nissen but, with Jonas occupied with Eva and no other friends in sight? Yeah, it kinda sucked.

 _Thunk_.

He groaned – maybe a little too dramatically considering he didn’t have an audience – and rolled out of his bed, he pulled up the orange blanket that made his curtain and opened the window just as another rock flew up, successfully hitting him right in his left eye, “Fuck! Fy faen you got me! Congratulations! Can you leave now?”

“Oh shit. Oh my god.” Isak blinked open his good eye, after a furious rub to wipe away tears that were _not_ forming, shut up, and looked down at the voice calling back to him. He didn’t recognize him so it wasn’t one of his usual tormentors, “I’m really sorry! I thought this was Sonja’s place?” Of course.

“Well this is Isak’s place, sorry to disappoint. Do you think next time you could write your girlfriend’s address down before you start throwing rocks? My parents are asleep and I have a test tomorrow.” And maybe he could be a little nicer but he was damn tired and it was – _three in the morning what the fuck_ – too early and this was definitely going to bruise. If – when - Jonas or Eva saw this they were going to corner him and drag him into Skrulle’s office. Again.

He pulled himself from his thoughts when the boy cleared his throat, looked down at him – with both eyes this time – and, his anger at this guy aside, he was actually kinda, uh, well, Isak wasn’t gay but. He was pretty nice looking? “Sorry to wake you Isak. I’m Even.”

“... Okay?” Dude. Not the time for a meet and greet.

“Do you.” Even paused and looked up at Isak while Isak looked down; he should go back to bed, “I was only waking up Sonja so I had someone to go on a drive with me and since this isn’t her place, and I don’t know where she actually lives... Do you want to come?”

Isak should go back to bed. He had a test in the morning. He studied really hard for it and he didn’t _get_ bad grades. This guy could be a serial killer or something; Isak should _really_ go back to bed.

“Um. Okay.” Isak was not going back to bed.

_

It was cold when he got outside, made him grateful for the jacket he grabbed, when he got closer Even lifted his eyebrows at him, “You _are_ in high school right?”

“I’m in first year at Nissen. You drive, so you definitely aren’t first year. Am I about to be murdered?” Isak tried to give a dry chuckle but this Even was actually pretty intimidating; Isak knew his messy curls and skinny frame wouldn’t give him much luck in terms of defense. Maybe he should’ve stayed in bed. He could already imagine the headlines: ‘Boy Killed, Scuff Marks Found on Window – Young Teens Warned to Stay Away From Strangers Performing Cheesy Romantic Gestures’.

“Third year at Bakka.” Probably some hipster theatre nerd then, maybe not a killer, “I’m definitely gonna murder you but-” Funny. “You wanna get in the car? _I_ find it cold out here and you’re...” He trailed off to give a vague gesture; Isak only supplied confusion in return. “You know, you’re tiny.”

And c’mon, you could hardly expect him to hold back a bewildered scoff at that, “I’m not _tiny_! I’m completely normal!” He gave the guy a once over, severely disappointed by the lack of flaws and made some wildly unnecessary wave at him, “You’re just freakishly tall, you probably spend so much time on your hair just so it can make you even taller.” He was flushed, probably not just from the cold, and even more so when Even’s face scrunched up in this delighted laugh, small chuckles still coming out when he pulled open the passenger door of – apparently his - car for Isak to get in. It was nicer than you would expect from a high schooler – parent’s car, or rich parents? - leather seats, built in display, those kinds of things; and it was warm. Which was a lot more appreciated than Isak would ever admit.

“Do you wanna put on music? Give me your phone; I’ll hook it up to the bluetooth.” Even spoke after getting in himself, putting a hand out at Isak’s phone and meeting the blank stare Isak had taken on.

He knew what kind of music boys liked, he could definitely appreciate and enjoy the heavy words and meanings behind NWA and Eminem and all the other artists Jonas and Elias were always listening to. That didn’t mean he had any of them saved on Spotify. “Er, um, you can just put on your phone? I only have like, gay songs.” He laughed, but it came out to forced, and he saw something soft flash in Even’s eyes before he furrowed his brow.

“What do you mean? Like, songs about being gay?” Even laughed again at the look that earned him, “Put on whatever you like.” He pulled Isak’s phone from where he was clutching it with both hands, held it up for him to unlock. It took exactly zero seconds for Isak to comply and what felt like somehow less for Even to hook up his phone before it was being tossed back into his lap.

Isak’s heart dropped and his stomach twisted with nerves when he pulled up his library, not really sure _what_ to put on. (Wasn’t sure why he wanted to impress this stranger so bad.) He must’ve tried to burn holes in his phone with his eyes for too long because Even glanced over again and cleared his throat, “Just hit shuffle man.” Isak’s faced burned but he hit the big green button at the top – he thought his skin might just burst into flames when _I’m Yours_ came on, went to hit next until –

Until Even started tapping his fingers against the wheel while he pulled away from the curb, and bobbing his head and then – and then he was _singing along_. And he wasn’t like, a show stopper, but he could carry a tune, so Isak just. Started singing too. Which may have been the wrong choice because it quickly became apparent that he knew the words a lot better than Even, and Even seemed to take some kind of joy in that, glancing over as often as he could to look at Isak who really wanted to help his cheeks cool off by hiding in a hole for the next thirty years or something else equally reasonable. So he punched down the volume on his phone a couple notches and stopped singing so he could talk.

“What does your girlfriend think of you taking random strangers on late night drives?” Because Isak knew how creepy and weird this was. He wasn’t some freak that couldn’t see that he was easily being more irresponsible than he’s been in a long time. Maybe ever.

“Girlfriend?” Yeah man, that’s what I said.

“The one you were trying to woo at my window before you gave me a black eye?” He lifted a hand to press gingerly where his eyelid was swollen, couldn’t hold back a hiss; Even flashed a brief glance over at Isak as he turned off the main road.

“Sonja’s just a friend, we tried to relationship thing – wasn’t for us – she’s too controlling and I’m.” He stopped, didn’t look at Isak for once, instead looked straight ahead and tucked his lips in a tight line, “How’s your eye?”

“Oh, it’s fine. Won’t bruise much.” He shrugged, glanced at Even when he pulled into a gas station, parked instead of pulling in front of a pump, “Not really an ideal stopping spot on a late night drive if you ask me. The view kinda sucks.”

Even chuckled and got out of the car, Isak watched him go inside the little shop with a voice in his head that sounded too much like Eva reminding him that he knew in the beginning that this was reckless. Watched Even ask the cashier something before heading behind the isles and emerging shortly after with something in his hand. Watched him pay and then come out with a bag. He tried to ignore his paranoid thoughts that told him Sonja wasn’t even a real person and that Even was about to force feed him drain cleaner or something equally horrifying – then he felt stupid when Even got back into the car and revealed a frozen bag of peas.

“Late night snack?” He asked, kind of dumbly when Even held it out.

“It’s for your eye. I feel bad, it looks really swollen.” He laughed a little when Isak flushed and took the bag, pressed it to his sore skin obediently. Of course, dumb paranoid boy.

The rest of their drive was sort of nonsensical, Even explained to Isak that sometimes he just had to get out of his head, driving helped, so did not being alone. Isak confessed that he had trouble sleeping most nights, if Sonja liked her beauty rest maybe Isak could help Even out. Even gave Isak his number when they pulled back up to his house, Isak texted Even right away, so Even would have his as well.

“Jesus. The sun’s coming up.” Isak gestured to the soft colours that were breaking up the dark of the sky, looked at the clock on Even’s dash and swore, it was five thirty, “We were out longer than I thought.”

“I like the sunrise, it’s pretty.” Even said this without looking away from Isak. Isak looked right back and couldn’t help but squirm, looked away and reached for something to say.

“I read once that when an artist dies they get to paint the sunset as their final goodbye to the world, like their last piece of art. I wonder that means for the sunrise.”

Even was still watching him, Isak couldn’t bring himself to look back again, “So the sunset is the end of something? Maybe that means the sunrise tells us something is about to begin.” His words were heavy. Isak finally looked back and found that the pinks and yellows and oranges in the sky were reflected on Even’s face.

He tried not to think about what that could mean.

_

“What the _fuck?!_ ” So. The bruising came in a little darker than Isak expected, “What happened to you?” Eva pulled him by the sleeve so they were secluded, thank god Jonas wasn’t here yet, “Isak have people started bothering you outside of school?” Started? Oh honey.

“Nei nei. It’s embarrassing, I dropped my phone on my face last night and it hit my eye too hard.” He pulled his arm free from her grip, took in the worry on her face, “Really, I’d tell you.” Her expression told him that he lied well enough, and he used his test as an excuse to duck out before getting an interrogation from Jonas that would be harder to get out of.

_

After his test he had a message from Jonas. Shit.

_Jonas: really? You’re gonna go with your phone? At lunch we talk._

Yeah...  he wasn’t gonna answer that.

But, as most things do, lunchtime came and he didn’t have much choice that to drag his feet to the table Jonas sat at, talking animatedly with Elias while Eva struggled to get his full attention. She turned to him and smiled and he prayed that he might get away with a distracted Jonas.

No such luck, when he pulled out a chair and took a seat Jonas’ eyes immediately looked to him, “Elias, if you go get me another Pepsi I’ll give you money for one too.”

“ _Pepsi Max_?” His voice was normal to most but felt like acid in Isak’s ears, he didn’t fail to notice how Eva faltered, or how Elias seemed to be saying it to her.

“Just normal Pepsi.” Jonas didn’t see anything, maybe Isak was making things up so he could see a villain in the guy. Either way, the excuse was transparent and as soon as Elias had gotten out of earshot there were two sets of scrutinizing eyes on him. “Your phone?”

“Yeah. My phone.” Isak huffed and focused on removing the plastic wrap from his sandwich, he really didn’t want to do this. Mostly because he didn’t know why he lied in the first place – there’s nothing brow raising that surrounded the circumstances of his bruised eye; only the rest of his evening. “Why do you guys always think I’m hiding something? I’m probably just – I don’t know, iron deficient or something. I bruise easy.” His tone was a little harsher than intended, but it seemed to get the message across because when he finally looked at Jonas there was defeat in his stare. _Okay Isak, change the topic_. “You guys hear about Ingrid and Sara?”

“What about them?” Eva’s reply was fast, like, very fast. “Are they fighting or something?”

“No... they started their bus already. Isn’t that stupid?” He laughed and looked to Jonas, glad to see an amused smiled, “Its first year! How do they know they’re even going to be friends with the same people by the end of third year?”

“What, you think we’re gonna stop being friends?” Jonas was joking; Ingrid and Sara were a _very_ different situation, “What are they calling themselves?”

“Pepsi Max.” _Oh._ “We had talked about it last year before, all that stuff.”

“It’s kind of a lame name don’t you think?” It earned Jonas a shove to his shoulder from Eva which he quickly retaliated by pulling her in for a kiss. Isak looked away.

“What happened to your eye? Did your boyfriend get a little too rough?” Nice, a homophobic domestic violence joke – really great entrance Elias.

Isak shoved the rest of his sandwich into his mouth and grabbed his garbage, this wasn’t where he wanted to be, “I have to go, um, research something for a paper I have to write. Uh, bye.” Eva and Jonas barely stopped eating each other’s faces long enough to wave him off; he didn’t hear anything from Elias but also didn’t care to see if he had even been acknowledged.

He sat in the library till the bell rang trying to read the arguing points for and against free education (uh, America was fucked up??), and doing his best to ignore the fact that he couldn’t focus because he was hoping the whole time for a text from Even.

_

A text from Even came at the end of the school day; his heart skipped when he saw the name on his screen and pulled open the message as fast as his fingers allowed while fumbling to gather his things and leave the classroom.

_Even: do you have homework? i was thinking about going for a walk and Sonja has work_

_til Even: nothing i cant put off_

_til Even: where do you want to meet?_

_

They ended up meeting halfway between their two schools and walked Oslo aimlessly. Even didn’t say much for so long Isak found himself getting restless, he didn’t know what he expected but – Even wanted to see him right? This wasn’t a middle of the night ‘I need to get out of my head’ thing, it was walk in the middle of the afternoon.

“Tell me about yourself.” _What? Buddy if I knew who the fuck I was I’d love to tell you_.

Unfortunately internalized snarky comments aren’t actually a reply, so Isak opened and closed his mouth a couple times while Even led them off the sidewalk to a fairly empty park, sat down a swing. Isak sat on the one beside it and kicked the pavement.

“I dunno, I stay in a lot, watch Netflix, play Fifa. I’m not really exciting.” He blew out a breath and shrugged, twisted his swing and looked at where Even was watching him with a put off expression.

“No parties?” At Isak’s noncommittal shrug he continued, “So you get in a stranger’s car at three but you don’t like having a couple beers every once in a while?”

Well no it’s just – “I don’t really – like, there’s this guy, and he’s Jonas’ – Jonas is my best friend – he’s Jonas’ friend and I guess he doesn’t really like me? And this asshole at school overheard something he said to me and I guess the way I am when I’m drunk plays into that enough that now – uh, now I don’t really go to parties.” Way to overshare Isak. Could’ve just said it wasn’t your scene – _But what if he wants me to go to a party with_ him _? –_ So what? Maybe you are gay.

“Now you don’t go to _Nissen_ parties you mean? Would you be against, say, a Bakka party?” The smile playing on his lips had Isak mirroring back one of his own before he had a chance to think about it.

“I don’t know; a Bakka party? You might be there...” He made a face of mock disgust that he was able to hold for nearly a full second before Even’s offended face had him laughing into his sleeve.

“Shut up, Sonja is throwing one this Saturday, _she_ wants _me_ to come, and _I_ want _you_ to be there too.” He paused just briefly after saying _you_ ; Isak ignored the erratic thumping in his chest.

“Yeah.” Why was he nervous? Fuck why was his face so hot? “That sounds cool.” At his agreement Even’s smile twisted into something else.

“Why are you blushing?”

“Wha-?! I’m not blushing!” He was, in fact, blushing.

“You’re _so_ blushing.” Even giddy tone only made it _worse_. Couldn’t he just drop dead or something? “Don’t worry about it – it’s cute.”

What?

Just. Like –

What?

His dumbfounded expression must’ve read clear enough because Even stuck a foot out to knock it against Isak’s calf, “You worry about things too much man.”

He wanted to reply, maybe defend himself a little but apparently his vocal chords had evaporated. Weighted silence panned out for a long time before Isak managed to speak, Even’s foot was heavy as lead where it rested against his own. “What time is the party?”

_

When Isak got home he noticed the rock Even had hit him with sitting on the floor by his window. He picked it up, tucked it safely in his sock drawer, and adamantly refused to consider what his motivation behind this was.


	2. two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a look at isak's life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so the first bit of this doesn't really have even in it but i wanted to lay some things out with his family situation - also my disclaimer is that i havent watched season 1 in a long ass time so the timeline is fucked just accept who i am
> 
> AND this chapter is really short but i wanted to end it there so i could put something out today

_A party is not a scary thing. A party is totally normal for a sixteen year old to attend. A party you’ve been invited to should not make your hands shake every time a text from Even reminds you about-_

“Hello? Earth to Isak?” Jonas’ hand was waving in front of Isak’s face and his phone buzzed in his pocket – his fingers twitched and he started bouncing his knee but pushed his attention to his best friend. “I was telling you I could probably convince Eva to let you come to the cabin, so you’ll have something to do this weekend.”

Shit, the cabin. “Uh, nah that’s fine. She’s been trying to get some time with you right? You should take advantage of that man.” He gave his best eyebrow waggle and twisted up the corners of his lips into a smile – based on how Jonas seemed to be with his girlfriends, he probably didn’t even realize Eva was expecting it to be a ‘romantic getaway’. And based on how Isak’s gut twisted at the thought of them alone together for a weekend, his excuse was probably bullshit.

“C’mon, you won’t make it any less romantic.” _Shut up brain shut up shut up you know that’s not what he meant,_ “Besides, I think Elias wants to come too, it’ll be like a party. I was gonna stop by Ingrid’s place before too, pick some _stuff_ up from her brother?”

“Aren’t there only two rooms? Where is Elias supposed to stay?” Outside on the ground for all Isak cares.

“You guys can share, it’s no big deal.” Jonas was so fucking oblivious sometimes.

“It doesn’t matter – I can’t go, I don’t think I did well on my test so I need to look over everything before we start the new unit.” A lie. But, Jonas nodded and let him get away with it. Maybe he saw the way jealousy was trying to make its way onto Isak’s features – hopefully he’d remember the time Isak called Eva pretty while Jonas was with Ingrid and run with that instead of the other option which was... which was decidedly not true and not something even _Isak_ should consider let alone someone outside his own head.

But then something about the message waiting in his pocket made him want to, just a little.

“Okay, I won’t ask, I have to remember to tell Ingrid nevermind.” A pause, “Wanna hang out after that though? We’re going to Elias’ tonight but, after that me and Eva are leaving so I won’t see you until after the weekend. We don’t hang out as often as we used to.” And that was true but there were... things going on, and when they did see each other outside of school Eva or Elias always managed to pop up.

“Yeah for sure, just – not at my place right?” The hesitance in his tone was met with understanding instantly, Jonas cared about him _so_ much that it angered Isak sometimes.

“Yeah man. How’s everything at home?”

“Same I guess; Mamma and Pappa fight, Pappa leaves and comes back late. I mean, at least he always comes back.” He shrugged, Jonas knew the story, knew all about how Isak’s mom was off of her medication for a while and now refuses to go back on, sometimes she’s fine and sometimes she thinks the world is going to end and is just on the brink of a breakdown. Most nights Isak didn’t sleep because apparently there was something addictively torturous about listening to his mother pray all night with nothing he could do to ease her fears except try and beg her to take a pill from the prescription bottle in the bathroom.

“If you ever wanna stay over you know its cool – even if I’m not there my mom likes you better anyway.” They both laughed – Jonas’ mom was funny, and nice, and always welcomed Isak with open arms. He loved being there but most of the time sleep came even harder when he didn’t know what was happening at home.

“Thanks, I’ll keep it in mind.”

Jonas was his best friend, and most days he felt more like Isak’s brother, but dear _lord_ he turned into such a bad stereotype of a teenage boy when they went to Elias’. And listen, Isak knows it’s lame to pretend to be someone’s friend but he can’t for the life of him conjure up a good reason to hate Elias as much as he does, especially when Jonas seems so infatuated with him. So, he goes over whenever Jonas asks him to tag along, he sits and watches them play Fifa and thinks he wouldn’t be so bad at it if he ever got to goddamn try.

_

It doesn’t take long for him to convince them he should head home. And as much as he hates being at Elias’ house, when he gets home his father is sitting in the living room and Isak can faintly hear his mother crying in presumably her bedroom.

“Is Mamma okay?” It came out a little more hesitantly than he had intended, but his tone rang true to his feelings – damn nervous, just like any other day.

Pappa sighed and lifted his head to look at Isak, “It was good for a lot of today, I was actually - I wanted to ask her about taking her meds again but-”

“It started to rain.” Isak went to sit beside his dad, fidgeted with his sleeves a bit uselessly because how the hell was a sixteen year old supposed to help.

“I don’t know if I can do this Isak. I don’t know how.”

“We can do it together Pappa.” He said that a lot, but this time when his father looked back at him, Isak didn’t think he believed it.

So he got up to check on his mom. She was praying through her tears, all the usual things, protect her son, protect her husband, and protect her family. It broke his heart. Everytime.

So he kneeled down beside her and prayed too. She led him for almost an hour before they were done, then they sat and looked at each other, crossed legged and quiet while she wiped the last of her tears and he reached out to hold her hand. “It didn’t rain very much Mamma. I think we’re safe.”

“For right now at least. It’s coming Isak, we have to absolve our sins, we have to pray for the lord to protect us.” He squeezed her hand and reached over with his free one to wipe a tear track that she had missed.

“Maybe you should try the medication again; maybe it’ll help you feel less scared.” As much as he knew to expect it, the sad smile she gave while she shook her head still gave his gut a painful wrench.

“Last time I took the medication I wasn’t scared, but my baby, I didn’t see what I can see now – the danger. I know it’s hard for you to see me scared or sad.” She placed her hand on his face, he leaned into it desperately, “I’m trying hard to come to terms with it. So I can protect you.”

He couldn’t help the way his throat tightened at the threat of tears, “I want you to be okay. I love you Mamma.”

“I will be, once it comes and we get through it. I will always love you and protect you my son.” She pulled him into a hug and he squeezed his eyes shut so no tears would fall, clung just as tightly as she did. “I should pray more. To keep away the floods. Do you want to pray with me?”

Isak thought about his homework, how really did need to review what the test covered, thought about the unopened text from Even he’s been too busy to give his attention. Then he thought of his sobbing mother and how all she wanted was for him to be safe – and that her greatest wish was for him to live without sin so that he could be.

Isak folded his legs back under him, clasped his hands together, and prayed with his mother.

_

Despite the things he truly prayed for, the things he didn’t voice out loud, _if there is anyone up there please make me feel how I’m supposed to about girls, please take away the way I feel about Jonas, or Even, please please please, so Mamma can be happy._ But real life and real feelings didn’t halt at a silent plea to a god he didn’t believe in. So when Mamma felt they had prayed long enough they emerged from the room to find Pappa was nowhere to be seen, they ate grilled cheeses for dinner and when Isak made it to him room it was dark out. Something about the dark and quiet made him brave enough to feel giddy when he saw another text come in as he opened Even’s message.

_Even: Sonja has too many friends and I hate pregaming with a lot of people, do you wanna come to mine before her party?_

_Even: you know youre allowed to say no right?_

_til Even: sorry ive been really busy, it sounds chill, can you get beer? Ill pay you back_

_Even: one step ahead of you and it’s my treat since im dragging you to this party anyway_

_til Even: well i wont say no to free beer_

_Even: its settled then_

Then Isak’s phone started to ring – it was Even. He scrambled to plug in his earphones and accept the call. “Hello?”

“Halla! I just got bored of texting, I prefer voices.” Even’s cheery voice made his gut twist in a way that was entirely opposite than it had been when he was with his mother earlier, if he hadn’t forced a muscle memory of holding it in, he may have even smiled at the simple greeting.

“That’s fine, but I have homework.”

“Well I am much older than you, do you want me to come over and help?” No no no no no.

“No! I uh, I’m not really allowed to have friends over. Or, well, I’m _allowed_ , it’s just usually not a good idea. My mom gets stressed.” He cringed at his voice, all tense and unsure, he sound _young_ or something.

“That’s... fine. I could come pick you up, my house is quiet. Mostly.” And just like magic, Isak manages to worry another person.

“Uh, it’s totally fine, we can just talk, homework can wait a bit. Tell me about Sonja’s hoard of friends.”

Even let out a groan and Isak laughed when he delved in the topic, _‘theres just so many people, and I love people but how does she keep track of them all?’_

He and Even talked for a long time, long enough that Even was halfway through talking about his aspiration of attending film school when Isak let out a drawn out yawn.

“Am I boring you?” The mock offense in Even’s voice eased any worry of actually offending him.

“Nei nei, it’s late though.”

A quick glance at the clock told him 23:17, Even’s clock told him the same and he hummed, “I should let you go, so you can sleep.”

“Are you tired? Cause once I hang up I’ll be awake again so there’s no point.” The unfortunate curse of never fucking sleeping.

“I’m gonna come pick you up, let’s go for a drive okay?”

“Yeah.”

_

Even stayed on the phone with him while he drove over, when he got here Isak peaked his head in to double check that his mom was asleep - his dad was sleeping too, must’ve come home at some point while Isak was talking to Even – and made his way out quietly.

Even’s car was warm as always and the right kind of dark – the radio glowed neon blue and something soft played out of the speakers. “Hey. Still tired?” Everything about the car was pushing Isak to sleep, so he nodded and held in another yawn. “You can fall asleep if you want, it won’t bother me.”

Isak shrugged and nodded, at that level of tired where you don’t do much but sit and look out the window. The level of tired where his carefully placed boundaries dissolved and let him twist so that instead of the window, he could watch Even with heavy lids. Even glanced at him once, smiled at the way Isak flushed at the acknowledgment and then trained his eyes back on the road.

Isak didn’t fall asleep but he got damn close, blinked his eyes open only occasionally – he was probably making it up but every time he opened his eyes he thought he caught Even glance over.

“Isak, are you awake?” Even’s voice pulled him from his hazy half-sleep, he forced himself to sit up and nod, “Do you want me to take you home yet?”

 _No, this is the most relaxed I’ve been in months,_ “Sorry, you can take me home, I’ll give you gas money too.” The idea of going from the warmth and gentle hum of the car – yes, or Even’s company, shut up – to alone in the stale silence of his house was less than ideal. Especially when he knew his mom was alright and his dad was home.

“You could – I mean if you wanted to you could come to my house? You’re coming back over tomorrow for the pregame anyway. Then you don’t have to feel bad about gas ‘cause you’ll be saving me a trip.” Even’s voice was tempting and soothing and Isak was so tired he had thought he didn’t care where he slept as long as he was able to do it but now all he wants is to do exactly what Even suggested because he must be right, right?

“Yeah, yeah we can go to your place.” He settled back down, Even chuckled and flicked on his blinker to head that way.

_

Even’s house was quiet when they got there, Isak decided there was nothing particularly bad with letting Even rest his hand on Isak’s back, between his shoulder blades, to guide him in. They kicked off their shoes and Even moved in front of him to lead him down to his bedroom. He had a loft bed, gestured for Isak to go up so he did – stumbled a little but Even steadied him, maybe he hadn’t slept for a few more days than he thought now that the dopamine was wearing off.

He squished himself against the far side of the bed, didn’t want to take up space, Even didn’t seem to be bothered by any space he did take up, flopped on his stomach and turned his head so he could look at Isak who was staring right back at him. “You gonna be able to sleep?” Isak nodded, eyes already sliding shut as an answer, “Good. ‘Night Isak.”

“G’night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're leaving a comment and realizing i never reply to comments please know that every single comment makes me smile so big my cheeks hurt for at least five minutes i just dont know what to say to show my appreciation but i love you all
> 
> hey come find me on [tumblr](http://larry-or-die.tumblr.com/)


	3. three.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sun up to sun down, Isak meets the boys and goes to a party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is almost 4000 words so i hope that makes up for the late update and super short chapter last week
> 
> also me editing is unrealistic sorry if this is a mess

When Isak woke up the next morning he was alone; he blinked his eyes open and pressed them shut again when the sun shone bright in the room. With a groan he rolled over and reached blindly for his phone – found it under his pillow or, Even’s pillow technically - it was past ten which was later than he can remember sleeping for a long time. After burying his face in the pillow for a couple moments he dragged himself to sit up and looked groggily around the room now that he had a chance to take in the details. He made his way to the floor and wandered around a bit, stopped when he saw a collection of drawings taped to a closet door.

“You’re up.” Isak jumped a little at Even’s voice, stepped back from the pictures.

“Hey, sorry I slept in so late, you could’ve woke me.”

“You said you don’t sleep a lot, figured I’d let you while you had the chance. You like the drawings?” Even shook his head with a smile and pointed to the closet. Isak flushed a little and nodded, muttered something about how good they were a bit shyly, “I’ll have to draw something for you.”

“You drew those? They’re really good!” He bent over to look closer at the sketches, “You really are an art nerd huh?” Even laughed at that and Isak looked up to smile back. He looked soft without his hair done, dressed in just some sweatpants and a t-shirt – it made him look tangible, less like the tall handsome guy he usually came across as.

“What’s so bad about being an art nerd?” It was lighthearted so Isak made a face, fake distaste mixed with a poorly held back grin.

“Guess it just means you’re lame.” He laughed at the way Even reacted, hand pressed to his chest and jaw dropped a little, “And a bad host too – you should’ve brought me breakfast in bed.” Nose tipped up, Isak managed to look down playfully at Even while looking up at the taller boy.

“Psh, if I’m an art nerd at least I’m not a science snob. C’mon I’ll make you something to eat.”

Isak obediently followed Even down the hall to the kitchen, hopped up to sit on the counter to keep out of the way when Even started digging around in the fridge. Even glanced up to look at him when he sat, a strange smile on his face that made Isak’s cheeks turn pink, “What?”

Even ducked his head down so he was hidden by the fridge door again, “Nothing.” Literally everything about his voice told Isak it was not nothing, but here he was, too flustered to argue, “I hope you like eggs.”

Even makes his scrambled eggs with a tablespoon of sour cream, explained it was a family secret. Watching him stir it into the pan, Isak’s initial reaction was to cringe but when Even held the spatula to his lips for him to taste, it really was a wonder how Isak managed to get over the way his whole head flamed up enough to acknowledge that it actually tasted really good.

They ate like that in the kitchen, Isak’s plate on his lap while Even sorta paced mindlessly around the kitchen and talked with him about nothing specifc – Isak tried to keep them on the topic of movies, he really liked the way Even lit up while talking about Baz Lurhman and Romeo and Juliet and being the director of your own life, lied to himself until he half believed it was just that he found it nice to see someone talk about a passion they have. Even made an off hand reference to Pretty Woman and Isak didn’t get it, the way Even stopped at that was almost comical.

“You haven’t seen Pretty Woman?”

“Nei!” It was on his watchlist but, “I don’t watch chick flicks.”

Even blew out an unimpressed breath, “It’s a _love story_ Isak, not a ‘chick flick’. Where’s your feminism, c’mon we’re gonna watch it.” He took Isak’s now empty plate and placed it in the sink, pulled him by the hand when he didn’t get down the counter right away. Even didn’t let go until they were in the living room so he could set up the movie. Isak sat down on the couch to wait and decided that okay, maybe he liked the feeling of his hand in Even’s, didn’t punish himself for admitting it this time.

Halfway through Isak feels Even’s leg shift to press against his own, he flinches away on instinct when Even’s hand seemed to move _too_ naturally to press between them, but moves back, albeit hesitantly – a strange sort of relief floods him when Even presses right back. The movie was... really fucking amazing, Isak had to move his eyes away from the screen a couple times to keep them dry – also let out his own startled laugh when Edward snaps the necklace case closed on Vivian. He can feel Even’s gaze on him when Edward climbs up Vivian’s fire escape, and honestly the scene makes his stomach swirl with a kind of jealous longing for something so obnoxiously romantic, the idea of risking it all because nothing matters as much as being with one person was as desirable as it was unrealistic.

The credits rolled and Even immediately turned his whole body to Isak, “Are you ready to admit that even _chick flicks_ can be good movies?” He was teasing Isak, again, he seemed to do that a lot considering how little Isak was bothered by it.

With an eye roll and reluctant smile, Isak shrugged, “It was _okay_. I think Eva would like it more.” It’s not like he was about to admit he was wrong.

“You liked it!” Even’s face was too delighted for Isak to deny very convincingly, shaking his head with a broad smile on his face that left him completely caught in his lie. Their laughter calmed down after another minute of Even boasting his success and Isak blushing too red for him to give any convincing argument otherwise.

“Fine! Maybe I liked it a bit.” They settled down and, it was nice – comfortable like you would want to be with someone; like a friend, or like, like a girl but. Even wasn’t a girl so. A friend.

“Is Eva your girlfriend?” Something about Even’s expression – a little more than politely curious – made Isak rush out an answer with all the shock he could portray.

“Nei! Eva?! _God_ , no no no. She’s dating Jonas. I mean – we wouldn’t be together even if she wasn’t. I don’t like her like that, she’s my friend.” Overkill Isak.

“That’s fine. Not liking Eva like that.” Um. “I’m not a homophobe or anything – you don’t have to worry I mean, if you’re gay.”

And something about that word always just. He didn’t like how three letters could give him such discomfort – it was like a cue for his mom’s crying face to appear, or for Elias’ sickening laugh to ring in his ears, “I’m not gay.” It was too harsh and Even read right through his tone and the way his shoulder’s gathered but face softened – why was it that Isak could lie easily to everyone but this guy he barely knew?

There was a buzzer sound from somewhere down the hallway that saved Isak from any heavy conversation, something about it changed Even’s demeanor and he smiled, “That’s too bad.” He hopped up and left for a bit, and Isak kinda, _zoom_ , left this plane of existence because, well, that was _flirting_ , a boy was flirting with him and the head rush he got from it was more exhilarated than horrified so he needed a solid seventy-two hours to cope with this development.

He got thirty seconds, after which Even’s voice was met with another voice, and then several more, Isak strained his ears to listen and stood to inch closer to the doorway- curiosity was one of his worst traits.

“I didn’t invite you guys over!” Even, exasperated.

“Since when do we need an invitation?” A boy, his laugh told Isak that they’ve never needed an invitation.

“Are you seriously gonna kick us out? We walked all the way over here. We heard you weren’t coming to Sonja’s pregame.” A different boy; Even huffed out a breath.

“I’m having my own pregame. It’s chill.”

“With who? We’re your only friends.” A chorus of laughter, there was a lot of them. Also they were getting a lot closer, Isak rushed to sit casual on the couch, fiddled with his thumbs and tried to look like he only just noticed them when they came in. Five boys stopped in a sort of huddle, stumbling into each other in the door way and just... looking at him.

“Uh, this is Isak, he’s first year at Nissen.” Even’s voice came from behind them and he nudged his way through, “Isak, these are the guys, um – introduce yourselves. I think they’re crashing our pregame.” He gave a weak shrug and sat back down, right up beside Isak, which flustered him until he realized it was because all the other boys took up the remaining furniture space in the living room, went around one by one telling Isak their names – Elias, Yousef, Mutta, Adam, and Mikael. They were nice, all equally handsome and charming and funny when they made jokes. They all looked at Isak a little funny when he flushed or laughed hard at Even’s jokes, an unreadable expression that made Isak quiet down just a little more.

“It was Isak right?” Elias asked Isak after a lull came over the friendly introductions, he continued after Isak’s nod, cracked a smile, “So first year Nissen, did you, like, skip a grade or two?”

Isak cocked his head to the side, confused and Even let out a loud laugh, “I’ll have you know Isak is _completely normal height._ ” He swung an arm over Isak’s shoulders, friendly, and _oh_. They were joking, it was a joke. He blushed and gave his best friendly glower.

“I don’t know what you _Bakka kids_ grew up eating but it’s not my fault you’re all roughly the size of a giraffe.” He was met with an excited _ouu_ from several of the boys, mostly just pleased to see that despite coming off small and shy from the ambush of visitors Isak was more than willing to go along with their banter.

“Giraffes?! The only giraffe here is Even.” Mikael bumped his shoulder into Even’s – Isak ignored the heady feeling that seemed to always come with hearing Even’s laugh. “At least you’ve got a cute face to balance it out.”

Mutta shifted forward on the other couch, “Yeah, imagine how weird it would be if someone as ugly as Yousef was short too.”

“Hey!” Yousef's whiny defense didn’t do much to stop everyone’s laughter; even Isak had to give it to them for how easily he felt like one of them. Even if the weight of Even’s arm resting casually on his shoulders took up at least half of his available attention.

_

As it turns out, Even’s friends don’t even drink, it’s against their religion. Despite this they are _fantastic_ pushers for those who do and Adam turns out to be infuriatingly good at every game they play. Leaving Isak at just the right side of tipsy when they clamber outside to walk to Sonja’s, Even and Mikael take up the lead, Even seems almost entirely unaffected by the drinking, while Isak links his arm with Yousef’s and laughs at everyone’s jokes.

“So how did Even convince you to ditch your friend’s on a Saturday night?” Yousef asks as Elias squeezes beside them so they’re all side by side, on the sidewalk.

“I don’t really have any to ditch.” Isak shrugs, it’s not like he was gonna lie to them.

Yousef doesn’t reply to him, rather looks over at Elias on Isak’s other side, “Is it just me or is he a lot like Sana?”

“You have a crush on him too now?” Elias raises his eyebrows at Yousef’s face – jaw dropped and wide eyes – and pulls Isak’s other arm so he stumbles over to walk with him, “Dude, it’s kind of obvious.”

“What’s kind of obvious?” Mutta – Isak questioned his name earlier and learned it was actually _Mutasim_ – falls close behind them with Adam on his heels.

“Yousef likes Elias’ sister.” Isak explains with the confidence of someone who’s been deeply involved in the conspiracy for years.

“Oh yeah! Sana likes him too though. I have a bet with Mikael about when they’ll actually get together.” Mikael turns around at the sound of his name and Mutta waves him off, he cuts off whatever he and Even were talking about to walk backwards and listen in anyway, Even does the same, smiles at Isak when they make eye contact.

“What?! Sana does _not_ like him.” Elias drops Isak’s arm to shove Adam when he can’t reach Mutta - penance for his knowing grin, Isak suspects.

“Sana can make her own decisions.” Yousef cuts in, blushing. Everyone awes.

“You’re a real gentleman Yousef.” Isak’s voice is only half patronizing when he pats Yousef’s arm sympathetically.

“Sana transferred to Nissen right? Isak maybe you know her. Sana Bakkoush.” Even pulls his attention and Isak has to think for a minute to put a face to the name.

“Oh Sana! She’s always wearing dark make-up and clothes right? She kind of scares me.” He flushes a little at their laugh, frowns, “What? She looks like she’ll bite my head off if I make her mad.”

“It’s just that we’ve known Sana since she was little. She’s definitely not scary.” Adam explains kindly, Isak looks back at him for only a moment at him before he’s reminded how alcohol throws off his balance and stumbles. Everyone grabs some part of him to catch him and Isak laughs when he regains his footing – turned forward again – and notices Even is watching him with concern.

“Oops, guess I’m more drunk than I thought.” He gives a laugh and a little shrug and smiles when Even relaxes.

_

The party is the right amount of loud and they all crowded in without knocking. Isak kicks his shoes into the pile by the door when he notices everyone else doing it, looks around briefly and feels oddly relieved that he doesn’t recognize anyone.

“Hei!” A female voice calls them and all the boys look up and smile when a pretty girl with short blonde hair greets them with hugs, stops at Isak, “Who’s this?”

“Isak, the guy I was telling you about.” Even steps up beside him and Isak smiles at Sonja – smiles _up_ at Sonja because apparently every Bakka student is required to be taller than him, even just by a couple inches – and shakes her hand.

“Do you drink?” She crowds into his space a little and speaks up over the music, smiles when he nods, “Good! Because I bought too much beer, come get one. Even you too.” She waves them on and merges into the crowd, so fast and confident amongst the group that Isak would’ve been lost if Even didn’t know the way to the kitchen.

It’s a bit quieter there, only a couple people chatting and talking. “Are these all Sonja’s friends?” He asks Even as quietly as he can, Even laughs and nods, “Jeez you weren’t kidding about a lot of people.”

“Here, do you like shots? Erin’s gonna do all of those if we don’t interfere.” She pushed a beer into each of their hands and gestured to the kitchen’s island – it was littered with little plastic cups filled with jello that Isak easily deduced was _not_ school lunch friendly.

“You wanna do some shots?” Even asked him and Isak shrugged and nodded.

Fun fact: Isak Valtersen cannot hold his alcohol.

Funner fact: Isak Valtersen is aware of this.

Not-so-fun fact: Isak Valtersen doesn’t care.

It’s because of this that it takes only four shots for Isak to start _giggling_. Like actually giggling like a girl, Even’s smiling at him, it almost looks fond but also Isak can’t shake his head without feeling a little dizzy. The worst part of it is that the jello shots taste _really_ good, so telling Even that _no really, I’ve had enough_ is way easier said than done, but after one bubbly _I shouldn’t_ Even furrows his brow and pulls the offered shot from Isak anyway.

“Let’s go find the boys.” Even tells him.

“Do you think they’re dancing? Because I would love to.” Isak replies, a little slurred.

In the search for his newly found friends, Isak – with Even close behind, keeping a hand on Isak’s side for the sake of the younger boy’s balance, not that Isak’s complaining right now – comes across a group of people who Isak hadn’t yet met playing spin the bottle.

“Hey we just started do you wanna join?” A pretty girl with long soft looking hair smiles sweetly at Isak, he looks at Even who shrugs and nods.

They sit side by side, their legs touch and Isak leans so his shoulder rests against Even’s, very platonically of course. Everyone already knows Even, so Isak tells them his name and nods like he’ll remember when they introduce themselves in return. The first few rounds are fairly uneventful in terms of who’s kissing who, two guys laugh and agree to a respin to avoid kissing, it makes Isak sit up and off of Even, but the hand Even had at some point rested on Isak’s knee curl tighter, two girls call them fragile and kiss for the sake of it, flip off the guys who whistle and it makes Isak smile. Then it’s Isak’s turn and just as he reaches for the bottle the girl who had smiled at him in the beginning speaks up that she was getting bored, and they should change the game to seven minutes in heaven. Everyone agrees so Isak spins, and it lands on her – Isak remembers her saying her name was Anna – it feels suspiciously rigged. He shrugs either way and follows her into the hall closet, hears them call that seven minutes has started after they shut the door.

“You’re really cute.” She says.

“You’re hair looks soft.” He says back.

She kisses him and he makes himself smile into it and kiss back – blames the sick feeling on the alcohol because any guy would say she was hot, would be jealous of how Isak got to grip her waist and lick into her mouth. She tasted like sugar and vodka and Isak was glad when she pulled away until she gave him a shy little smile and started to kiss down his chest, then he had to pull her up, gave her a nervous chuckle at the confusion on her face.

“I’m not like that.”

Something about that spurs her on, and she goes back in to kiss him more passionately, murmurs that she _really_ likes that he’s such a gentleman against his lips and grabs his hand and puts it on her chest. He lets it sit there kind of uselessly until enough time has passed that he puts it back on her waist without her protest.

When they’re called out Isak is blessedly still drunk, already flushed when she grins and bounds back to her spot and everyone calls out remarks at his messy hair and ruffled clothes. Even stands before Isak has a chance to sit, “You look really wasted, let’s get some fresh air.” He tells him and it feels weirdly like an order, “We’ll catch up later.” He calls cheerfully to his friends before leading Isak out the back door.

The cool air hits him like a blessing and he sways a bit, grabs onto Even’s arm for balance, “She was pretty.” Even comments, looking at the people sparsely populating the small yard.

“I guess.” He follows Even to a quiet corner, its dark and Isak is drunk and finally seeing the flush of Even’s cheeks that says he is too, “She wasn’t really my type.” He looks at Even for a minute, thinks suddenly about the words he had said before the other boys showed up, and his hand on Isak’s knee, and his back the night before, taking him for a drive so he can sleep when he’s known him for less than a week. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure?” Even says, while standing very close to Isak where he leaned against the side of the house, providing Isak with a little courage.

He fiddled with his – Really it was Even’s, he had needed something to wear that wasn’t pajamas – sleeves and looks down anyway, “Have you ever kissed a boy? Or – like – I mean, have you ever wanted to?” He doesn’t look up, can’t, and waits for Even’s mocking laughter or repulsion.

“Oh. Well I haven’t kissed a boy but, yeah, I have wanted to. And you know? Lately I’ve wanted to even more.” He leaned a little closer to Isak; when he looked up at Even’s gentle smile he couldn’t tell if he was dizzy from the buzz of jello shots and beer in his head or because – and fuck it he’s drunk and tired of lying to himself okay? – he was no less than six inches away from Even’s face, Even’s face which is attached to the rest of Even, who he has a massive fucking crush on.

“How come?” And he knew ‘how come’, they both did but he really wanted (needed, maybe) to hear it.

“Because I met you.” Even lifts his eyebrows, used the back of his knuckles to press, lightly, into the blush on Isak’s cheek.

“Oh.” He tilts his head up, a little inviting, tried to find the courage to press forward, feel Even’s lips now when it might be his only chance. Doesn’t have time to really consider it before Even is dropping his hand to Isak’s waist and leaning over to kiss his cheek, a slow press of his lips that has Isak genuinely feeling like he might pass out.

“I think I saw the boys dancing before we came out here, we should join them.” Even mumbles, pulling back and Isak. Isak fucking giggles like a teenage girl and nods because his crush just kissed his cheek and is asking him to go dance and he’s drunk and happy and he can have this moment.

They go inside and dance and Even touches Isak just enough that he _knows_ but no one else does and Isak dances with Mikael and Sonja and she grins wildly at him when Even dances over to them and she spots Even ghost a hand over Isak’s hip. It makes him feel like there’s a place for him here even if he doesn’t fit in his mother’s bible or some homophobic asshole's narrative.

_

When they giggle and stumble to Even’s home and up to his bed Isak doesn’t complain when Even tugs him in. Falls asleep without any trouble – it’s still up for debate if it was thanks to alcohol or the feeling of Even’s hand on his stomach and nose in his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all already know im thirsty for attention so hmu on my [tumblr](http://larry-or-die.tumblr.com/)
> 
> (edit: all the tumblr links should be working now, sorry about that!)


	4. four.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> softness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all it's 1:20am and i don't know how well this chapter turned out but. hopefully i managed to set it up right

There were arms around Isak. Two arms looped around him to meet in the middle of his back. A nose in the fluff of hair near his brow, and a soft, warm, neck for him to bury his face into. The sun was shining on them much like it was on him alone yesterday but it felt like a golden blanket rather than a harsh light; Isak could feel Even’s heart beat under his hand – slow and steady and real. There was something solid about the moment, it felt like it could last forever.

But like most moment’s do – it ended.

Isak felt Even shift, his breathing change, and the legs that Isak only just noticed were tangled with his own, stretch out. The nose in his hair became a pair of lips that pressed firm in a kiss, “Are you awake?” Even asked him, groggy and low to keep from disturbing the peaceful quiet that was settled around the room.

“Yeah.” Neither of them moved. Even hummed and pressed his lips to Isak’s forehead this time. The feeling of his lips brought Isak back to their dark corner the night before, the kiss on his cheek. The dancing and the touches.

One of Even’s arms uncurled enough to reach Isak’s hair, card through it and make him chuckle softly when Isak melts, “You’re thinking too hard, and you’re all tense.” He pushed loose curls back from Isak’s hairline, “What’s on your mind.”

“I want to tell you something. But I don’t want it to freak you out, you have to promise.” Isak starts – because he _is_ thinking too hard about something, just maybe not what Even expects. “Please.”

“I promise, what’s got you all wound up? Was it last night? Is this not okay?” His voice grows more concerned – sheepish even – with each word, starts to pull away but stops when Isak lets the hand he had on Even’s chest grab hold of his shirt.

“This is good – well, it’s also not, is the thing but. I don’t want you to leave or... move, just yet.” He takes a breath, doesn’t look away from his own hand, “My mom has – she’s – okay. She used to have a lot of breakdowns, when I was younger, she would freak out that the end of days was coming and one day she thought the way to save me was by um.” He clears his throat, Even doesn’t move save for the hand in Isak’s hair, “My dad had to take her to the hospital and she got diagnosed and had to stay there for a while and they got her feeling better. So she came home. And she’s kind of starting to get bad again so, she’s been praying a lot and she cries every time it rains too hard and she tells me, a lot, that as long as I don’t sin then I’ll be okay and. I mean it’s not like _I_ think the apocalypse is coming but she’s so scared all the time that I really don’t want her to be anymore scared than she already is. Not because of me, and this. I really like this and I’ve lied to myself for a really long time by saying that I don’t and wouldn’t because, um because this is a sin right? The bible says it’s wrong?” He holds his breath and closes his eyes, feels exactly ten thousand pounds lighter to finally talk to someone about it, and ten million pounds heavier to have it be the person who he feels so nervous and flustered around all the time.

“Well, I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t know what that’s like, loving someone with mental health problems like that – it has to unbearable sometimes right?” Even’s words are soothing, mumbled gently into his skin, “But you’re not dumb or foolish or anything like that for being worried about how you feel because of your mom, you love her and you want her to be better but. You can’t jeopardize your own happiness. Because no matter what an old dusty book says -” He moves them suddenly, so he’s hovering over Isak with a kind smile, “- I refuse to believe any god would want me to suffer for how I can’t help but feel about you. And I hope your mom agrees, even if it’s only on good days that she can.”

And – like, how inappropriate is it to fall in love with someone you’ve known for less than a week?

“Okay.” Isak agrees because he isn’t sure what else to do. Flicks his eyes to look at Even’s lips and realizes they haven’t properly kissed yet, “Will you make me scrambled eggs again?”

Even laughs, balances himself on one hand so he can lift the other and wrap it around the side of Isak’s neck, run his thumb over Isak’s pulse and probably feel how it flutters, “Of course, c’mon beautiful.” He starts to get up, but Isak catches him and knits his eyebrows together.

“Beautiful? Even, I’m not a _girl_.” His scowl is not having the desired effect, he can’t fathom why.

“Ohhh. Sorry _cutie_.” How – how dare he.

“I hate you.”

“Oh I’m sure.” Even gets down off the bed, hums to himself as he grabs a worn looking hoodie, “You can wear this, and use that toothbrush I gave you yesterday - you smell like alcohol and my parents are home.” He wrinkled his nose and tossed Isak the hoodie.

“Sorry I smell.” He flushed a little and puffed a breath into his palm before frowning with a cringe. “I hate alcohol breath why don’t you have it?”

“I brushed my teeth after you fell asleep. Besides, if I had drank as much as you and passed out I’d be hungover, and then who would make you scrambled eggs?” He winked, wrapped his hands around the back of Isak’s calves when he swung his legs over the railing, and rested his chin on his knee.

“And toast?”

Even laughed and nodded, “And toast.”

Isak flushed a little and wiggled his legs in Even’s grip, “If I had known how clingy you were I wouldn’t have let you kiss my cheek last night. Who knows what’ll happen if you ever get to kiss my lips.” The vibrant red of his face  only egged on the sly grin that spread on Even’s face – Isak could feel that smile against the fabric of his pants and honestly? It’s about time someone figures out how to tattoo on a feeling because Isak needs to feel that forever.

“Hm, I guess there’s only one way to find out huh?”

Isak laughed and hopped down, patted Even’s chest, “Where are my eggs you egg.”

He walked past Even and tried to find his way to the bathroom, an amused laugh followed behind him, “And toast!”

_

When he got to the kitchen, Isak was met with two pairs of eyes staring back at him. Two women, in their pajamas, sat side by side with emptied dishes in front of them, “Um.”

Even caught up with him in a blessedly fast two seconds, “Morning! This is Isak.” His voice was... anxious? Should Isak be anxious? Did they hear what they said about sins? Oh god... what if they heard him demand eggs and now think he’s a bad guest? _Calm down Isak._ But holy shit these are Even’s parents _. You right._

“Oh, hello! I’m Camilla, this is Ida. Are you two hungry? My wife made pancakes.” Camilla said _my wife_ with a pleasant little hum; it made Isak’s chest tighten with, longing? Maybe.

“ _Actually_ Isak has demanded scrambled eggs.” It was the teasing lilt that kept Isak from being too embarrassed.

“Pancakes are fine; really, you don’t have to make more food.”

“Nonsense, with a face like that and the way you two came giggling in last night? I don’t think we could wrestle the frying pan away from Even.” Ida’s wink was like a switch for Isak’s cheeks and ears to flush, Even laughing in agreement and pulling Isak into him by his waist did exactly nothing to help.

Camilla gave her wife’s shoulder a playful slap. “Ida! Stop harassing that poor boy and go get dressed – Even love we’re going to the farmer’s market; do you need me to pick anything up?”

Ida gave Even a kiss on the cheek and then gave Isak one as well, waved to them, “Have fun!” Isak was both in love with the woman while equally wanting to hide from her – if only to prevent his face from developing third degree burns.

“Oh, what about those chocolate cakes that Romanian woman was selling last time? What were they called?”

"I think it was Amandines? I’ll see if they have them. Isak are you staying for dinner? We’ll pick one up for you as well.” She leaned to give Even’s cheek a kiss and patted Isak’s kindly before she took off down the hall.

“Sorry for the ambush, they can be a little... overwhelming.” He stepped out from behind Isak and properly into the kitchen to pull open the fridge.

“I like them, they’re, I dunno, loving I guess? They seem like good moms.” He shrugged and took up his unofficial place on the counter, sent Even a bashful smile when he looked up to just, well to just look at Isak much like he had the day before.

It would definitely take some getting used to.

_

Camilla popped in just before leaving – caught Isak letting Even eat off his fork playfully and then consequently dropping it and apologizing (“ _What for?” “Um. I don’t know?”_ ) – to let them know she would try to keep Ida busy for the day before leaving with a called out _I love you_ and _be good_.

When the front door swung shut Isak felt suddenly nervous. Nervous that he was alone with Even, that he didn’t know what they were doing, just that he didn’t _know_. Unsteady ground was not something Isak had a good relationship with.

“So, what’s an Amandine?” He asked, because the only other conversation starter in his head was, _when are you going to kiss me, because I feel like that might be something I’d like to do for hours._

“It’s sweet, just like you.” Was Even’s simple reply, Isak rolled his eyes but grinned when Even nudged his way between his legs. “Chocolate cake mostly, it has a filling in the middle that tasted like caramel? And it’s got more chocolate on top. You’ll like it.”

Isak hummed and settled back against the cabinets, a more pleasant quietness settled over them, Even seemed preoccupied taking Isak in, put out a hand – it was maybe one of the first times Isak noticed him being hesitant – and let it curl around the middle of Isak’s waist, Isak could feel his fingertips not far from his spine. Damn giant hands.

“You don’t even know what you’ve done to me.” Even mused, Isak couldn’t tell if he was even supposed to hear him, it was like his thoughts escaped, “And I don’t know how you did it.”

Isak watched Even’s face until he made eye contact, “Tell me.” He meant it genuinely, he wanted to know what was happening in Even’s head – he didn’t even know what was happening in his own.

“It’s like, right there, where I’m holding you right now. That’s all there is.” He gave Isak’s waist a squeeze that made his eyelashes flutter, “It’s the only thing outside of my own thoughts that’s ever been real. Everything else feels imaginary or, like, I’m just watching it happen? It’s as if nothing matters but, fy faen, you matter too much.” He shook his head like he needed to unscramble it, Isak watched with a little bit of awe.

“Have you ever thought about parallel universes? There’s like infinite other ways this day could be happening right now. Like a universe where you got Sonja’s address right and we never met, or throwing rocks didn’t wake me up or, like, you never learned to put a tablespoon of sour cream in your eggs so I was never tricked into being impressed by you.” He was met with a laugh.

“Oh? So it was my eggs that really sealed the deal hm?” He tugged Isak’s waist so he was forced to sit up, close to Even’s face now, “Not my _charm_?” Isak laughed, shook his head, “How about my stunning good looks?”

“That may have played a part.”

“Really, why don’t you tell why I’m so handsome.” He was such an ass.

“I wish I could but I just can’t pinpoint what it isn’t about a gangly giant that I just find so hot.” Isak knit his eyebrows together, made like he was thinking while his brain flooded with, _eyes, mouth, hands, hair – stupid hair – smile smile smile._

“I am wounded Isak, really wounded.” He brought both his hands to Isak’s face and smiled, “It’s a good thing you’re so fucking hot. Your pretty lips, and green eyes, and adorable shortness and soft curls.” Isak swears that he was blushing down his chest at this point, and let himself break eye contact because it was just, too overwhelming.

“Do you hear something?” They fell quiet and sure enough a persistent buzz paired with Isak’s ringtone played down the hall – he must have left his phone in Even’s room. “I should check that.”

_

He found his phone buried under some blankets just as the ringtone cut off – several texts from his mom of bible verses and now a missed call from his dad, his heart sunk. Even was waiting in the kitchen so Isak hit the notification to call him back, sat down on the floor by the ladder, “Pappa?”

“Isak, where have you been?” He sounded... normal, Isak couldn’t hear his mom in the background which was most times a good thing.

“I’m just at a friend’s house is everything alright?”

“Yes, Mamma just wanted to know where you are, she’s been, really good today.” There was a shuffle like his dad was moving to somewhere else, “We got in a fight and she finally agreed to take her meds, I left them for her in the bathroom but I’m heading out. I need a break.”

 _Don’t you always?_ “She took her meds?” He focused on that because it really made his heart soar. He was so scared she wasn’t going to get better until she got almost _too_ bad.

“She said ‘Terje I don’t want to fight about this anymore, I’ll take care of my medicine, I promise’.” This was good, really good; he was going to get his family back. “I’ll let you go, I love you.”

“Love you too.”

He hung up and sat with the phone for a while, smiled to himself. Even showed up in the doorway after a while.

“Everything alright?”

Isak looked up, Even relaxed at the smile that grew on his face, “My mom said she was gonna take her meds again.”

Even’s face filled with a gentle fondness, “That’s really good! We should do something to celebrate right? Anything you want.”

“I don’t know.” Isak sat back, Even sat beside him so Isak shifted so they were pressed together, an idea popped into his head, one that he was too nervous to ask for, “I have one idea, but you have to guess.”

“Don’t tell me you want more eggs.”

“No, that was a bad guess!”

“Give me a hint then!”

Isak shook his head and smiled, “You have to figure it out.”

“Can I ask questions?” Isak huffed and nodded, “Is it something we have to do together?” A nod, “Can we do it right here?” Another nod, “Have we done it before?”

“Hmm. Almost.”

Even thought for a second, mouthed the word ‘almost’ to himself before his eyebrows shot up – he figured it out. “Come here you sweet thing.” He pulled Isak over so he kneeled between Even’s legs, “I think that is a _fantastic_ way to celebrate.”

“Just kiss me already.” Isak laughed and tugged on Even’s shirt, so Even pulled him in and _kissed_ him. Jesus why did Isak ever want to stop himself from feeling this way? One little peck from Even felt like a thousand bolts of electricity shot through him, “Again.”

Turns out Isak had more power here than he had thought. Because he said ‘again’ over, and over, and over again, and every one of his requests was fulfilled until Even was nudging him up so they could get comfortable in his bed instead of sat on the floor. It didn’t take any prompting for Isak to curl back into Even’s space once they were settled, in Even’s clothes, with Even’s lips on his hair and cheeks and lips in return.

“Is that all you want to celebrate with? Just some kisses?” Even asked him when they were both turned on their sides, close together – Isak could smell Even’s gross egg breath from breakfast, but Even could smell his as well and he still looked at Isak like _that_ so it wasn’t really a problem.

“Yeah, I just want a chill day where I don’t have to worry about my mom, or the guys at school, or anything else except for how long it’s gonna take for you to kiss me again.” He started to smile a little until he was pulled into another kiss, they were long and drawn out now, leisurely.

“Then I can’t keep you waiting can I?” Even asked him, their lips still touching in a way that made every word feel like a new kind of secret.

“I guess not hm?” Isak laughed a little, giddy off of... well all of it really, and pushed at Even’s shoulder so he could climb on top of him and lean in for more kisses.

_

Isak ended up going home before Ida and Camilla returned, he wanted to see his mom, imagined it was scary to have to have your truths of the world adjusted - even if it wasn’t immediate - when you’re alone. Even kissed him hard when he dropped him off and told him he was a good son.

Mamma was up watching television with a steely resolve when he came in, she called him over for a hug and a kiss, said, “I took care of my pills, you don’t have to worry about it anymore.” And sat with him and watched the news. The steely resolve made more sense when Isak recalled the last time his mother watched the news, stories on climate change and violence read as warnings of The End, she was working on it now, figuring out what was reality

His dad came home that night and ate dinner with them, Isak’s mom was quiet but his dad kept the conversation comfortable. It was a little unsteady sure, but Isak felt like he had parents again.

That night Even called him and talked Isak to sleep, he called him _kjære_ and said the boys texted him asking when they were all going to hang out again, asked about his mom finally only to give a soft laugh when he was met with a fluttery half-snore while Isak slept.

Isak woke up again after Even hung up, could hear his mom praying but reminded himself that it was one day at a time; he let his brain float in and out of sleep for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know the end sucks i might redo (ill edit in the morning) and y'all know i love you, come be my friend on [tumblr](http://larry-or-die.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> hey so feedback makes my day, week, month, AND year
> 
> also feel free to hmu on my [tumblr](http://larry-or-die.tumblr.com/)


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